Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
