someone get that fucking seahorse.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
