i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
