Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
