its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
