I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
