you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
