Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
