Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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