So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
