Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Randomize
