I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Randomize
