I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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