im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
