1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
