you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We need a shit load of segways right now
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
