I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
