Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
