There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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