Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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