k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
