I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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