Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I wish there were birth control emojis
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
