took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
