I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Duck Duck Cougar?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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