Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
