dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
