i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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