i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
