After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
