I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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