he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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