She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
