i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
