i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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