butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
