Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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