Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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