Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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