Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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