am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i love accidental penises.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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