I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
They have beer where we have blood.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
