Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
