I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Randomize
