i permit you to call me
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
