I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
