i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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