No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
That accounts for only three of the penises
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
