i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
