i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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