wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
