I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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