i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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