i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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