Jerry, you need to find god
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
