respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
