He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i dont even know how to be here
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
