Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
