i would punch a child for taco bell
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
