Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
