I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
