Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
