call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
